I figure the adderall vending machines are coming soon, anyway. So I threw on another course. The thing is, I am neither ambitious nor disciplined. This is a stupid idea. I'm not sure if this is the way to manipulate my nature. It's a pretty expensive way. But maybe if I'm swamped with reading and tryin to figure out how to study and write papers well, I won't have time...well for anything..but for lonely anxious moments considering why we do anything at all. I'll probably just drop the anthropology course. The course covers these Mississippian Native Americans who had building projects and big 'ol marble statues and a Matriarch queen sorta gal. Its like, cool, okay. Civilizations are neat. I'm all about them. However, I guess I don't really care for anthropology. It's too scientific and dry. There's a lot of meat in there...but I prefer a historical and philosophical perspective..something closer to fiction.
I am terrified I'm not sure I even really know what it is I want or like or prefer. I'm thinking, this is all going to change, I'm not a fixed variable, I feel different all the time. It's hard for me to keep focused on a particular ambition.. I forget easily what I felt so passionately and surely the day before.
solutions: (because we always just have to come up with solutions, plans, follow them through and forget why half-way, come back to the piece of paper and say, "ah. yes. This is what I do next, then." We have to do this or else we're just floating and shape shifting and our friends won't even recognize us after awhile. we must be recognizable)
articulate, often, what and why something matters right then. A good reason to follow through..
ha.
No comments:
Post a Comment